Reflections
by BitterHearts
Summary: Christine finds herself reflecting on her times with Erik, before visiting him for the final time and giving him his ring back. One-shot, Leroux based, please R&R.


When I was with him all I wanted to do was escape. And now I am free, and he has died. I am sure of that. I think he was dying - if not already dead all along.

When he took me, at first all I could feel was horror - that my Angel was not an Angel at all but a man! And yet, I could not fight against him. I was taken by him, and by curiosity. I needed to know who or, indeed _what _he was. He sung me to sleep, that night and dreamed of true beauty - but when I awoke I was angry…at him!…he had left me, on my own in a house underneath the Opera.

When I saw his face, I was more horrified than I had thought it possible to be. I was not sure who was going to die first - me, or terror, or him of anger. Why had I pulled of his mask? Why had I torn away the one bit of hope he had? Again, it was my cursed curiosity. If his face had terrified me, then his anger was even worse. His tormented shouts - it saddens me to think of it. And when he left me to work on his _Don Juan_, I was more scared yet again. The music…oh it burned! It burned so much and I felt tears, sadness, and heartbreak.

And then I had to pretend - I had to act, before I was to be free.

When he finally let me go, when I was with my beloved once again, I felt safe. I still had to wear his ring but I was free - in a sense of the word. I told Raoul of him - upon Apollo's Lyre - and Raoul would have killed him! Why did I stop him? Why did I not let him do it, and I would be free forever. But I couldn't have a man's blood on my hands - Raoul would have only have listened to me. I was asked if I hated him, and I was accused of loving him. But neither was true.

I had to sing for him one last time. I truly did not foresee that he would take me again. But I suppose I should have seen him taking me.

I thought I hated him then! I truly did.

When he left me, I had to escape. I tried to commit suicide. It was against my religion - but what God would force me to wed _him? _

He was angry as well as sadden by what he caught me doing. At me he shouted:

"What are you doing?!" in a booming voice that sent shivers down my spine. I did not saying anything…I could not…my mind was utterly blank and I could not straighten my thoughts.

"Christine," he always said my name with passion and love. "Do you hate Erik so?" he said. He wasn't shouting any more, but perhaps it was even worse. I still couldn't speaks. So he picked me up, quite easily, and bound me tightly.

"Please!" I tried, but he did not hear me through his sadness.

And then I heard voices! I thought I was mad. I honestly did - until I heard my love! I knew I could not imagine Raoul's voice.

He had come to rescue me. But it did not work.

He…Erik was past all remorse, he would kill Raoul, and the mysterious Persian, too.

And why? Because he loved me!

And that is why I went back to him. Because I could not ignore his love - it was so pure, and so intense I had to go back to him.

I knew Raoul loved me, too. But he could not offer the type adoration that Erik could offer me. I pitied him until that night, too.

And, to save my love from dying I chose the Scorpion, out of haste. I truly thought Erik was lying to me…but I had to trust him. It was odd, how the creature I feared the most turned out to be the one that saved me.

He was not going to save the Persian, or the _daroga, _as Erik called him. But I begged him to. I would not let anyone die that night.

I wondered why Erik would've have let the Persian to die. I went on to wonder what this Persian had to do with Erik, and why he had came with Raoul to rescue me…

When Erik left, I was alone, and found myself thinking about my feelings for him. It was not about his face now. It may have been, at first. But now, I knew it wasn't his death's head. It was his temperament, his insanity…and the fact he had tried to kill Raoul. There was such pity in my heart…he had been alone and unwanted all his life, of that I was sure. So I had force myself, not love him, but to show him there was hope left. When he returned, I let him kiss me upon the forehead. And I did not faint, as I feared I would.

And he cried…those tears!...oh those tears caused me such pain, such pain that I too, started to cry. And he took of his mask, and his face was close to mine. His tears mixed into mine…and I kissed him on his forehead. And I was not sadden or disgusted…

That struck something in him, I was given the golden ring as 'a wedding gift from my poor, unhappy Erik'.

Raoul was released, and we were free at last!

When we got out of the Opera house, I was so relieved to feel sunlight on my face I began to cry, Raoul clutched onto my hand like he'd never let me go, and I wished to never go back…

But I had promised. I promised to give him the ring back when he was dead, and I knew I would. I had to promise, because he loved me.

In the obituaries, I saw it…it quite simply said: _Erik is dead. _

I started to cry.

"Why are you crying, Little Lotte?" asked Raoul. I handed him the newspaper, and he wiped away my tears.

"You are crying over _his _death, Christine?" he said in disbelief.

"I have to go back." I whispered.

"No, Christine. What if this is some clever plot of is to force you to return? What if he takes you again? I will no be able to live without you." Raoul accused Erik.

"He would not do such a thing! I have to trust him, Raoul. He is dead, I am sure! And I must return." I snapped at my husband. Raoul cared for me deeply, but his caring nature sometimes came across as over-protective.

"You are doing this thing that he asked you to do, even after what he has done?" Raoul asked, sitting down next to me, holding my hands.

"I must, my love. I promised him." I said.

Raoul came with me, he would not let me go alone. I wore the red scarf, to keep him happy. The golden ring on my finger. Two items that represented love. We went at night. There was no other way we could get down without being seen.

I made Raoul wait in the dining room. I went in to Erik's room on my own. It looked…different. Maybe because I was seeing it, for the first time, by choice, and not because I was a prisoner.

I moved over to the organ. It really was a beautiful instrument. I touched just one key, and then brought myself over to the coffin that had upset me so much.

"Erik…" I whispered, my voice hoarse. He clutched his _Don Juan Triumphant_. I lifted his right hand, the same coldness in death as they had been in life. I took of the golden band, and placed it gently on Erik's long, pale ring finger. I became aware that I was crying…crying for he who had loved me so much!

And I kissed him, gently and quickly on his malformed lips. It was the only kiss on those lips, and he'd never know it.

Raoul entered, just as I whispered "Poor, unhappy Erik" for the last time, and I was sure I heard one of Erik's sighs, the would haunt me for ever.

"Little Lotte." Raoul said. I turned to embrace my husband, but something dawned on me.

Even if it was just a little bit, out of pity…

I knew that I loved Erik.

THE END.


End file.
